Representing Jesus in your marriage

As Christians, we're taught that marriage is supposed to reflect the personal and intimate union between Christ and his Church. That's a huge call!

If your marriage is one that publicly displays discord on a regular basis, think about what that means in regards to reflecting the union between Christ and his Church. I'm not talking about a low profile disagreement here and there but more about those times it makes others uncomfortable to be around you because you're not being discreet with each other about your negative feelings regarding something in your relationship.

It seems that while we should be sincere and real about our marriages in public, we should also be making the extra effort to be on our best behavior, to put on a good face and be positive about our relationship especially when in public. You're representing Jesus here, folks.

Besides, being on our best behavior is bound to be good for our marriages, anyway. It can most certainly soften our hearts if we're harboring negative feelings or need time to cool down before reacting to a situation.

I almost always kick myself after a situation when I've poorly and too openly displayed my negative emotions to Mark in public. It's embarrassing for everyone, and it leaves a poor taste in everyone's mouth. You especially don't want your spouse's loved ones to think you don't honor your spouse in a holy way.

Next time you're around friends or in public with your honey and feel like snapping at him / her, making a negative comment or even using ugly body language, think precisely about that -- honoring your spouse in a holy way. It can only improve your marriage and draw you closer to the Lord. Not saying it's easy, but it's definitely something to be aware of and work on.

Aug. 29, 2008, the day we got engaged -- a celebration dinner at Pappadeaux (yum!)

In your own time, your own way

When I was young, I always thought my love story would be similar to that of my parents: go to college, meet your future spouse, fall in love, graduate and get married six months out of college.  Have babies two years later and be done having children by the time you're 30.

My love story looks something more like this: go to college, graduate.  Meet my future spouse three years later, fall in love and get married three years later -- six and a half years out of college.  Potentially begin having children by the time I'm 30 -- God-willing. 

I think many of my friends' love stories are pretty similar.  We all thought we'd have similar stories to those in the generation before us, marrying and having children much earlier in life. 

A few of my friends did, actually, get married right out of college, and they already have a couple children and hope to be finished having children by the time they're 30.  This scared me when all this was happening because here they were going through the experiences I thought I was supposed to be going through and I feared not being able to relate to my best friends anymore.  I was still single, going through difficult breakups when it seemed the rest of my friends were moving forward.  My friends were fabulous and were there for me as best they could be, but their lives were changing, as were they, and rightly so.

Thankfully, I found my community not too long after.  Through the Catholic 20-Somethings Ministry, most all of my friendships with young adults who were in the same stage of life as me were formed.  I had finally found others who were single, young adult career professionals, to whom I could relate!  It made all the difference.

Today, most of my friends are still the ones I met through that ministry, and we're all growing together, mostly at the same pace.  Many of us have begun to meet "the one," are getting married, some even beginning to have children.  It's been so fun to go through these things together, at the same time.

So, what I've learned from my love story is that everyone has their own love story.  It unfolds in the fullness of time, as I like to say and pray, in the perfect way.  Had I not gone through my young adult ministry experience, I wouldn't be the person I am today -- true story.  Had I married right out of college and kept being the person I was, I would be completely different.  I wouldn't have met the most amazing man and be in this wonderful, loving marriage that I am so blessed to be in today.

I pray our future children's love stories, if they're called to the vocation of marriage, are just as beautiful, just as perfect.

Praying for our single loved ones to be revealed God's perfect will for their own love stories in the fullness of time and, in the meantime, may they grow in the virtue of patience.  It was a constant prayer of mine for several years!

Christmas 2009, Our first married Christmas!

Things every new wife needs

1. Patience
2. Basic cooking skills
3. Earplugs
4. Lingerie
5. 3 good cookbooks
6. Ring holder
7. "The Power of a Praying Wife" by Stormie O'Martian
8. Bible -- specifically, a Bible for couples
9. 4 - 12 nice place settings
10. Her own bathroom sink

 March 2008, sunset at Iguana Grill in Austin

Superpowers in marriage

This morning, I read a question that asked me what superpower I'd like to have in marriage.

Hmmmm ... time travel comes to mind.  Being able to see into our future life, 10, 20, 50 years down the road seems like it would be neat, but then again, it takes the fun and excitement out of growing together.  I do love surprises, and I'm sure those surprises will be what brings me and Mark closer together through the years.

Sometimes telepathy sounds like it would be beneficial to have.  There are plenty of times when I can't tell what Mark's thinking.  He's not as vocal about his feelings as I can be, but then again, he's also not as opinionated as I can be.  If I could read his thoughts, though, I think it would take the fun out of conversation.  What point would there be in conversing much at all?  Sounds kind of boring -- just sitting there and putting a few words out there every now and then and just hearing his reaction without him saying a thing.  Also, because we're not perfect humans, it's not so easy to control our thoughts.  We all know they whirl around by themselves, thinking good and bad things.  That's why I like to practice using what I like to call a filter.  Thinking before you speak.  I'm sure if I could read Mark's thoughts, we'd argue a lot more because he wouldn't have the chance to think about what he wanted to say before speaking, putting together his thoughts eloquently.  Also, sometimes things just don't need to be said -- if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.  That would pretty much go out the window if I could read his thoughts.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying Mark has negative thoughts all of the time.  I just think we'd both be happier if he (and I both) has the ability to use filters to be purposeful and deliberate in conversation. 

I think the superpower I'd like to have in marriage would be the ability to be loving at all times.  Even though it's something for which we all strive, we fail more times than we can count.  If I could consistently be patient, kind, gentle, caring, loving, selfless, humble and understanding effortlessly, that would be cool.  Mark would think so, too, I think.

Since I doubt I'll be bestowed with any superpowers in the near future, I guess I'll continue to work toward the one I'd desire and try to earn it on my own.  That's the point, isn't it?

January 2010, Keystone, CO trip

Learning to be silent

This post from The Marry Blogger is definitely relevant to me. I absolutely process thoughts by talking them out and need to focus on the art of listening, reflection and even silence.

The Silent Treatment Can be Good for My Marriage!: "


If ”Silence is an art”, then I need to go back to art class!

Recently, I have noticed that silence can be good for my marriage. 

I am not talking about the traditional ’silent treatment’! I am talking about asking My Incredible Husband™ a question and then being silent. For some, this may be easy, but for me, it’s a hard thing to do.

When I was a kid, I always got the “talks to much” box marked on my report card. If I didn’t, my mom would ask me what was wrong!

Read more here.

Ski trip to Keystone

I know, I know ... I haven't posted in two weeks.  Slap my hand -- bad!  Sorry.  Since our trip to Keystone, I haven't been able to catch up!  Life's been super busy and it's only going to get busier this spring and summer, but in a joyous and fabulous way.  I'm not complaining.  Just explaining. :)

In any case, our trip was simply fabulous!  Since I've known him, Mark's gone skiing on average of two to three times every year and I've never been able to go with him.  Be it work or timing, it just hadn't worked out.  Needless to say, I was determined to go this time around since we kind of come as a pair now that we're married!

It was so fun.  I had been skiing twice before, the last time being five years ago, and I'm in no way an athletic person.  Coordinated, yes.  Graceful, yes.  Sporty?  Ha!  No.

I have to admit I was a little apprehensive about Mark's patience and if we would even be able to ski together much since he's a regular black and double black diamond skiier and snowboarder.  It turns out I improved a lot more than I had hoped and much faster!  When we got there, I was determined to not leave a green mountain but ended up skiing mostly blues and even two black diamonds on the last day.  Woo!  Mark was a very patient, encouraging and loving teacher.  I was pretty blown away by him, actually.  It's a good reminder for me to return the generosity if ever the roles are reversed in coaching.

I'm excited about my improvement and look forward to going again!  I hope I'll be able to pick it up as quickly next time and improve even more.  I discovered a lot of it is about your confidence, so I'll try to let that lead me.

What a fun trip!