Mistakes from which to learn

I've never been married before. I have no idea what I'm doing. Each day, month and year brings a new experience that allows me to either succeed or fail grow as a wife. Following are some experiences I've had that have enlightened me and perhaps might help others, too. (Thank goodness for the sacrament of reconciliation!)

1. Comparing our marital journey to others' marital journeys. I know, it seems kind of ironic to say that this is a mistake in marriage when I'm writing a blog on the topic of marriage for others to read and potentially take some advice from, ha! We've already established I'm clueless when it comes to what it takes to have a long, healthy, holy and successful marriage. Regardless, it is not healthy to compare yourself to others in any way other than growing in holiness, really, and that might even be a stretch. One couple's journey is not your own, so putting yourself on any kind of timeline or checklist of perceived accomplishments sets you and your spouse up for a rocky road full of unnecessary rushing of things and potential envy or jealousy. No bueno.

2. Forgetting to let Mark relax and veg in his free time. So my husband works up to 10 hours a day, five days a week and sometimes on weekends, especially when he's traveling. There is no "comp time" in his company; they all work their tooshies off. To describe Mark as hardworking is probably an understatement. More often than I care to admit, I get annoyed or don't understand when all my husband wants to do after coming home from a long day at work or finding a few days' rest during the weekend is relax and rejuvenate himself. I have to remember that it is in my general nature to be a busybody; I have an extremely difficult time sitting down in front of the television and not doing anything but watching whatever's on. I have a hard time sitting still while I'm at home because my eyes eventually start wondering around and my mind is triggered by seeing things I need to work on. That's fine for me (though I need to learn to slow down, too!), but not everyone needs to be just like me. While my husband certainly enjoys being a handyman and working on projects around the house, every night or every weekend does not need to be project time, and he more than deserves time to just do nothing. Doesn't everyone from time to time? This is my opportunity to bless him by loving him, serving him and giving him the time he wants to not think. Thank you for all you do to support our family, honey!

3. Wanting to be recognized for every sacrifice or extra effort I put into blessing our marriage and home life. "I have never wished for human glory, contempt it was that had attraction for my heart; but having recognized that this again was too glorious for me, I ardently desire to be forgotten." ~ St. Thérèse de Lisieux. Oh, to be that holy! It is a mighty thing to swallow your pride (if that's what this is?) and do what needs to be done, or even giving that extra umph to make things special, without wanting Mark to notice. It's not that I even do this as much as I should, it's just those times when I long to receive praise for behaving or serving in a way that is really already expected as a woman trying to grow as a Godly wife.

What kind of mistakes do you keep making in your marriage? Are there any you have stopped making? How do you do that?

Oct. 25, 2008, Jessica and Jamon Copeland's wedding

Introduction to Natural Family Planning...Which method is right for you?

Want to start practicing Natural Family Planning but don't know which of the three methods would be best for you? Avoid hours of research and attend an evening of introductions as the three different methods of Natural Family Planning -- Creighton Model FertilityCare™ System, Sympto-Thermal Method and Billings Ovulation Method -- are introduced at St. John Neumann parish! I'm helping plan this event with our Culture of Life Committee. We'll have teachers from these three methods give a brief overview of how their method works, and they'll be available for questions and with an upcoming schedule of classes that will be offered throughout the coming year at SJN.

The event is Wednesday, Nov. 9 at 7 p.m. in the St. Timothy Room of SJN. All diocesan-approved methods will be available to discuss this great gift from the Church. Come see which method will work for you and your marriage! RSVP here.

Not yet married and are wondering why you should come to this event? Engaged couples can start taking classes at any point before marriage, but we usually recommend that you start taking classes and charting at least four to six months before you get married. NFP isn’t just Catholic birth control either – it offers a great overall picture of a woman’s health AND her fertility. It’s not just for married women and not just for women in their prime childbearing years. NFP charts in the hands of a physician who knows what he’s looking at are an incomparable tool to help diagnose many health issues. Many single women have taken an NFP class simply to gain more knowledge about their own body! There's no such thing as starting too early.

If you're already practicing NFP and are happy with which method you've chosen, please attend to support our event and Natural Family Planning awareness campaign and / or invite your friends to help us spread the word!

5455 Bee Cave Rd.
Austin, TX

Books I'd like to read

I'm not a big book reader these days, but whenever I run across a title or review that looks worth my while, I make a note of it. Books on marriage that I'd like to skim through sooner rather than later include:

1. "The 100 Day Promise: Radically Transforming your Marriage by Living with Complete Concern for your Spouse's Happiness" by Brian King
   See what happens when a regular husband and father of four promises to totally love and serve his wife for 100 days. What will happen to him, his wife and their relationship? Is it really worth the effort? More than just just hearing marriage platitudes, this book shows the reality of the stresses family life can bring and demonstrates the power of trusting someone enough to love them completely.
2. "Married Saints and Blesseds Through the Centuries" by Ferdinand Holbock
   Countless saints have been priests or religious, living out lives of penance and sacrifice for the good of the Church. But many Catholics don't realize that married couples are called to holiness as well. Fr. Holböck's tells the inspiring stories of over 200 married saints and blesseds from the Virgin Mary and St. Joseph to Margaret of Scotland, King Louis of France, Thomas More and modern examples like Gianna Molla and Louis and Zélie Martin, parents of St. Thérèse of Lisieux. The example of these holy men and women is essential to living a truly Catholic married life.
3. "Designing Your Dream Husband: How to Build Your Husband Up and Release Him to His Full Potential" by Amie Dockery
   God has given women a gift that is so woven into their nature that they approach everything—from homes to husbands—with the thought, “Wow, I could do great things with that!” To see potential is a great good, but the downside is the propensity to compare reality with the expectation. This is especially harmful in marriage if a woman tries to “show” her husband his potential in all the wrong ways, such as comparison or suggestions for change. So how does a wife encourage her husband to become what God has placed within him to be? It requires an understanding of her own need for repentance and restoration, as well as working with the right team and the right tools. The right team is God as architect, Jesus as supplier and the Holy Spirit as builder. The right tools include prayer, declaration and action that bring restoration and that also reveal her own need to change. Each chapter will explore a case study of a biblical character’s life in the areas of “Making the Mantle”--an action that gained him authority, “Missing the Mantle”--an area of vulnerability, and “Modeling the Mantle”—the most memorable moment this person wore the mantle. There will also be a pattern for prayer--questions from which a woman can build the blueprint for repentance, restoration and declaration. There will also be application in the form of “Putting Your Words to Work”—a written vision statement or declaration, and “Seal it with a Gift”—practical ways to gently yet generously introduce revelation of a husband’s skills and abilities through a tangible gift.
4. "The Respect Dare" by Nina Roesner
   Ephesians 5:33 in the Bible says that wives shall always respect their husbands, but most women struggle with this concept. Are you one of them? The truth is that women get married with dreams, hopes and aspirations that are often never fulfilled. More than half of marriages end in divorce in the United States, and many women that stay married are unhappy. "The Respect Dare" is a 40-day devotional guide that will take away the mystery that is keeping you from speaking the language of respect with your husband. It provides real life examples from women who have developed closer relationships with God and their husbands. In it, you will learn how to build confidence, methods to positively handle conflicts, keys to better communication, how to develop a more intimate connection with your spouse, ways to deepen your relationship with God and much more!
5. "The Love Dare Day by Day: A Year of Devotions for Couples" by Alex Kendrick
    "The Love Dare Day by Day" encourages and challenges couples toward new steps in faith and love with 365 marital encouragements, reminders and action points worth repeating year after year.Unconditional love is eagerly promised at weddings but rarely practiced in real life. As a result, romantic hopes are often replaced with disappointment in the home. But it doesn’t have to stay that way. Whether your marriage is hanging by a thread or healthy and strong, "The Love Dare Day by Day" is a journey you need to take. It’s time to learn the keys to finding true intimacy.
   
6. "The One Year Love Language Minute Devotional" by Gary Chapman
   Are you and your spouse speaking the same language? He sends you flowers when what you really want is time to talk. She gives you a hug when what you really need is a home-cooked meal. The problem isn’t love—it’s your love language. The Love Languages Devotional is your daily guide to how to express heartfelt love to your loved one.

Have you read any of these? Any sound interesting to you?

Aug. 17, 2008 at the Iguana Grill in Austin

Great podcasts about marriage

I'm all about marriage enrichment. Whether it's through experienced couples, blogs or talks / seminars, I enjoy learning how to be a better wife, how to have the best marriage possible.

About a year and a half ago, I discovered podcasts. I know, a little late on the bandwagon there. Still, I subscribe to a ridiculous amount of them through iTunes and listen to one after the other on my work commute. I've learned a lot about gardening, travel and even marriage (among other topics)! If you spend a good amount of time in your car or enjoy listening to audiobooks and haven't discovered the world of podcasts, do some perusing. There's a world of knowledge out there that's just waiting to be heard.

Podcasts on marriage I'd recommend
Subscribe in iTunes

• Building relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman: Building Relationships is a weekly 54-minute program offering life-changing insight and realistic advice rooted in the Word of God. Hosted by bestselling author Dr. Gary Chapman, Chris Fabry and Andrea Fabry, Building Relationships is designed to provide fun and informative, practical help for your marriage.
• Focus on the family: focus on marriage 
• Love language minute with Dr. Gary Chapman: A Love Language Minute is a daily one-minute program. In a world where life is so busy that most people forget to care for their closest relationships, Gary Chapman is there to help individuals refocus and recalibrate.
• Marriage today with Jimmy and Karen: Marriage Today with Jimmy and Karen is co-hosted by best-selling author, Jimmy Evans and his wife Karen. Jimmy is author of the best selling book Marriage on the Rock and Our Secret Paradise.  Marriage Today with Jimmy and Karen is a national television program that missions to enhance marriage and family relationships all across America.

Got any other recommendations?

 June 13, 2009

Book added to my Amazon wish list: "Love By the Glass"

I read this morning about a book that relates marriage / relationships to enjoying wine -- "Love By the Glass." I know, sounds like a Jen book if you ever heard of one, right?

Read the review here.

A top 10 list of top 10 lists

Some food for thought on a Monday morning.  In no particular order ...

1. Top 10 marriage mistakes
2. Top 10 marriage myths
3. Top 10 [pieces of] marriage advice
4. Top 10 marriage books to read in 2010
5. Top 10 Bible studies on love and marriage
6. Top 10 tips for a happy marriage
7. Top 10 ways to destroy a marriage
8. 10 awesome gifts for married couples
9. The top 10 marriage blogs of 2009
10. Top 10 reasons to communicate

Some of my favorites ...

• 1. An overnight stay for the two of you or a Marriage Retreat.
  I love this.  This out-of-the-box idea came to me through Twitter, and it was my favorite.  In the hustle and bustle of the season, it’s easy to get wrapped up in consumerism and focusing on gifts.  While great gifts can be an asset to marriage (as I hope I’ve demonstrated above), why not surprise your spouse with plans to get away from the responsibilities of home for an evening away?  For a deeper experience, I’d highly recommend you try a marriage retreat.
  (10 awesome gifts for married couples)
• 7. Quit dating. Saying "I do" doesn't mean that you should stop dating your spouse. You still need time together – time away from home, work, the kids and other responsibilities. My husband and I try to have a bi-weekly date night, and a once or twice-a-year weekend away without the kids. Even though we see each other every day, we need time to just concentrate on each other.
  (Top 10 ways to destroy a marriage)
• 2. Grace
      * Say this again and again. “I’m not perfect and my spouse isn’t perfect.”
      * If you have unrealistic expectations, you’re bound for so much disappointment. I’m not saying that we should expect mediocre marriages, but we need to be realistic. This is another way of accentuating the importance of Grace.
  (Top 10 [pieces of] marriage advice)
• 1. Lack of Respect
  Don't badmouth your spouse to your friends or associates. Spouses need to be thanked. They need to know they are appreciated.
  (Top 10 marriage mistakes)

 Destin trip, June 2008

Surrounding yourself with uplifting, encouraging couples

As a married couple, I've found it's so important to surround ourselves with other uplifting, encouraging couples as often as we can.  I was just talking to some friends last night about how important I think it is to surround ourselves as individuals with uplifting, encouraging people who challenge us to be better people, who help us grow in holiness.  I don't see why it would be any different as a couple to not do the same.

I understand the need for a good balance.  It's not as if we'll desert our dear friends who are single or religious (i.e. priests); I just think that, especially as a newlyweds, Mark and I have a lot to learn about what it means to be good and loving spouses and it would do us good to see how other healthy couples have built a life together.

We are very blessed to already have several loving couples in our lives, which makes this idea easy to practice.  One of our favorite things to do is have friends over for dinner and spend some time catching up and hearing about what's going on in their lives, really focusing on them.  I dearly love small groups of friends over large groups, as I feel I can offer my full attention to them.

Our church has a ministry for couples that are in their first five years of marriage.  Part of this ministry is that all of the women and all of the men, separately, get together monthly and build each up other up as husbands and wives.  It's a great time for group accountability in learning how to live out our vocation.

As long as Mark and I remember that there will always be something to learn about being better spouses and are open to new ideas or ways of doing things, I think we'll be on the right track.

My 27th birthday, April 2008

3 questions to help you be a better spouse

One aspect of having a successful marriage is to be the best spouse you can be.  While this is a lifetime mission, there are simple questions you can periodically ask yourself to take baby steps toward being the person to whom you, yourself, would want to be married.

1. Has my spouse mentioned several times something that bothers him?
   If it's something that improves your character and not something that makes you uncomfortable, take note of it and make an honest effort at trying to improve or change.  As for me, Mark mentioned something three times in one day last week before it hit me that I needed to seriously consider it.  Sometimes we need to be hit with a brick before we open our eyes.  Better late than never!
2. Do I have someone who can serve as a marriage mentor or accountability partner for my marriage?
   I've found it to be important to have both couples who have healthy, long-term, loving marriages from whom to learn and seek advice as well as a spiritual director or accountability partner to help me look at myself as a wife in a more objective manner.  I'm so far from being the perfect wife, and it's good for my humility to have someone who can lovingly, but honestly, point out the ways in which I can improve.  I meet with my spiritual director once a month.
3. Do I regularly pray for just my spouse and his needs and intentions?
   I've mentioned before the importance of couples who pray together, but what about the times when you pray on your own and mention the intentions or needs of just your spouse and not include yourself in there?  You have to remember that your spouse is also your brother / sister in Christ who has spiritual needs outside that of your relationship.  He is your best friend, and you want the best for him in all manners of his life -- not just his marriage.  Mark and I made a commitment about a month ago to pray for each other every day at 6:13 p.m. (our anniversary is June 13, aka 6/13), no matter what's going on.  We've both set the alarm on our cell phones to go off as a reminder.  This time of prayer is not about us as a couple but for each other and those things for which we need intercession outside of our marriage.  To help us grow into the saints we've been called to become.  It draws us together spiritually, no matter where we may physically be. 

 Annual Christmas Party at Night Train's, 2009

An examination of conscience for selfishness in relationships

Check out this examination of conscience for married couples! A good reflection ... Questions such as:

Do I pray for the other person?
Am I willing to forgive quickly and readily?
Have I spent quality time with the other person?
When have I put myself last?

An examination of conscience for selfishness in relationships

Seeing myself more clearly

I can read nonfiction books from time to time.  Self-help, practical, how-to books (and biographies) are books I can read if I can find the time and motivation.  Fiction books aren't my thing; I can't shake the feeling that I'm wasting my time when I could be doing something more practical.  Call it the productivity monster in me.

I've never tried listening to an audiobook, so I was excited to recently get one from Amazon the other day to try to listen to while I'm driving so I don't have to find extra time to sit down and read.  It's called "The Power of Prayer to Change Your Marriage" by Stormie O'Martian.  She's written all of the "The Power of (a Praying Husband / Wife, a Praying Parent, Praying for Your Adult Children, etc.)" books, which I love because they give you great prayers to reflect upon in your relationships.  "The Power of Prayer to Change Your Marriage" isn't just for struggling marriages, as you might think upon reading the title; instead, it's a book that offers prayers and reflections on strengthening your marriage, especially in areas where one or more of you might be weaker than others.

I just started it yesterday and have only gotten through one chapter but something has already struck me and offered opportunity for reflection -- how being married opens your eyes, quite widely, to see your own shortcomings.  I don't remember the exact phrasing, but let me explain.

I think it's safe to say that I've been at least somewhat aware of my own weaknesses and character flaws as an adult.  Through examinations of conscience over the years to relational communications with the different people in my life, the ways in which I fall short of being perfect have been made quite aware to me.

Now that I'm married, though, I find myself continuously noticing and becoming more and more aware of those ways.  I meet once a month with a spiritual director and every other week with an accountability partner, and both of these individuals help me to seek out those ways in which I can improve myself, as a Catholic, daughter, employee, friend, sister, co-worker, leader, follower and wife, among the other roles I play.  Every time Mark and I have a disagreement or I feel any disarray about something in our marriage, I see a new perspective on my behavior, how I can try to stop changing Mark and start working on myself.

More than ever, I can see where I need God's grace.  Mark may say something about the way I'm acting; he may not.  It may be my own guilt and examination of conscience that allows me to see myself through his eyes, and then I may say something about how I will try to improve; I may not say something.  Many times, I just resolve to work on something myself or tell my spiritual director and accountability partner and see how altering my behavior or approach may improve mine and Mark's marriage over time.

Being able to see your faults more clearly is not a bad thing, though.  I don't think it means that I'm any more of a sinner or that I'm a bad person since we got married.  I just think it means I have more opportunities to ask and receive God's grace to become the person He's called me to become.  Mark's helping me to get to Heaven, and I know he's there to assist God in helping me become the saint God's called me to become.  [*We're all called to become saints -- not just me! :)]

I consider it a blessing, most days (!), that I can see ways in which I can improve.  I know trying to become a better wife will only help me to become a better everything else -- Catholic, daughter, employee, friend, sister, co-worker, leader, follower, etc.

I have a looooong road to go and I don't even know the half of it, but I have hope and faith that I can travel it and enjoy the ride.  I'm so thankful to have Mark there to encourage me along the way.

Halloween 2007

Marriage enrichment blogs

I talk often about the many blogs I read daily -- ranging from blogs about Austin, marriage, fashion, home life, volunteerism, living, event planning, faith, blogging and my friend's blogs.  That's actually exactly how they're categorized in my Google Reader.  Now, I don't think everyone needs to go out and read the plethora of blogs that I do.  I read so many because I enjoy the tidbits of helpful information so many of them share.  I have a hard time sitting down and reading a book cover to cover as I always get distracted and start thinking about what else I could be doing with my time.  Therefore, the short, get-to-the-point blogs work for me.  Thank goodness for Google Reader, too!  I just have to go to the one portal to receive all of the information from one site instead of having to visit each and every blog.  The reader highlights all new posts, so you can quickly find them.

What I want to feature this morning are the marriage enrichment blogs I find inspiring.  Some of them are faith-based while others come from a general point of view:

• Dr. Michelle Gannon.  Psychologist specializing in relationships, wellness and women issues.
• Engaged Marriage.  From marriage preparation to an awesome family life, Engaged Marriage provides candid marriage advice to help today’s active couples achieve the extraordinarin their lives.
• For Your Marriage.  Daily marriage tips (a few sentences).  An initiative of the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops
• The Generous Wife.  Short daily tips on becoming a more generous wife.
• Golden Wives Club.  Points on the style, grace and poise of a wife from a Christian perspective
• Life Gems.  Encouraging and strengthening marriage and families.
• The Marry Blogger.  Christian perspective, talking about real life issues like sex, communication, money and kids.
• Project M.  Musings on love, marriage and the madness that ensues.
• She Just Got Married.  The journey of married life as a newlywed.
• Simple Marriage.  Aimed at individuals involved in a committed relationship who wish to experience more passion and adventure in life and relationships.
• Zen Family Habits.  Living simply with presence of mind. Cultivating healthy, meaningful, relationships with loved ones.

Check one or more of them out!

April 2008, my 27th birthday

5 fruitful things you can do for your marriage right now

1.  Pray.  Pray for you two as a married couple.  Pray that God would enter into your relationship in a new way and renew your love for one another.  Pray that your marriage will stand the test of time and be protected from all temptations of evil and sin.  Pray that every purpose God has for your marriage might be fulfilled and that He would make something beautiful out of your relationship.  If you don't have children yet, pray that in the fullness of time God would allow you to become stewards of some of His children, if it would be good and pleasing to Him.  Pray that you and your spouse might reflect that of the Holy Family -- as a wife, striving more to be like our Blessed Mother Mary, and as a husband, striving more to be like St. Joseph.  Pray that you two would be given what you need to be a good husband and a good wife and that you would have the desire and courage to use those gifts to be what you've been called to become.

2.  Do something unexpected for your spouse.  If you are apart, send him a text message or e-mail for no reason other than to remind him that you love him more than anything.  If you are together, go find him, give him a big hug and tell him that you love him more than anything.

3.  Plan a date night within the next week.  If you haven't already, do everything you can to establish a regular date night to keep your love alive.  This is the most important relationship you will ever have.  Ever.  Spend time on improving it.

4.  Ask forgiveness.  I guarantee you there is something for which you can apologize.  Being grumpy last night or not following through with something you said you would do.  How have you put yourself above the needs of your spouse lately?  Recognize it and make amends.

5.  Work on yourself as a spouse.  Take some time to really reflect on how you, personally, can be a better wife or husband.  What is an honest answer to the question of what's keeping you from being the best spouse you can possibly be?  Is it trust?  Patience?  Not making enough time for him?  Make a commitment to try to go the rest of today working on that one area.  "I'm going to work on being more ______ today."  Then wake up tomorrow and commit to working on that one area again that day.  Repeat daily until you feel like you're making progress.  If you focus on a specific area of improvement, you will feel more fruitful and have some measurables in feeling like you're truly doing something to improve your marriage and yourself as a spouse.

 

February 2009, Engagement Celebration dinner at the Merhars'

"Love Everyday": Get the free ebook

"Love Everyday": Get the free ebook: "


"Love Everyday" is a collection of ideas, thoughts, tips and the like complied from over 25 of love and relationship bloggers. This ebook definitely sounds like it's worth the read. And the best part – it’s free.

Download it here.


Here’s where you come in. Download your copy now, tweet about it, post about it on your site or Facebook or print out a bunch of copies and place them on windshields in your city. However you choose, spread the word!

Look in the mirror

An interesting question to ponder ... would you want to be married to you? 

I see this periodically in one of my blogs on marriage, just to remind readers to take some time to reflect on how they're doing and see what obvious, and not so obvious, areas we can work on.

Would you want to be married to you?  Think about it.  No.  Really.  Think about it.  Take some time and maybe something will be brought to light in which you can focus some improvement.

Be satisfied with sacrifice

Every day I receive in my inbox a small reflection on marriage, called Growthtrac Marriage Minute.  It offers short thoughts about marriage that help me think about marriage in a new way or applicable tips that I can try in my own marriage to improve our relationship.

The other day, I received one titled "Five Forms of Dedication That Help Keep a Marriage Growing."  The five ways were:
• Desiring the long term
• The priority of relationship
• We-ness
• Satisfaction with sacrifice
• Alternative monitoring (choosing not to dwell on tempting alternatives)

The one that struck me most was the idea of "satisfaction with sacrifice."

Many of us have been told that marriage is all about sacrifice and that we need to strive for selfless love in our relationships -- not only in marriage but in all of our relationships.  To hear it stated in such a way doesn't sound very fun.  The selfishness that we all possess rises up and we try to protect ourselves from hurt and yearning for those things that we want, when we want it, where we want it and how we want it.  We remember all those times we have given to others and long for others to serve us.

Now, don't get me wrong -- there's nothing wrong with being in a reciprocal relationship where there's give and take.  As a matter of fact, it's a very healthy model of relationship that I hope many of us have with others.  BUT the idea of being satisfied with sacrifice is really quite beautiful.  We are all familiar with the concept of sacrifice, but to add in that we should try to be satisfied with it is quite epic to me.

How does this play into marriage?  In so many ways.  There are opportunities every day to sacrifice for the one you love, from chores to decisions to usual interactions and more.  The key part in this concept, however, is to not dwell on that sacrifice that you made.  This means not even bringing it up to your spouse if he isn't aware of it or may never notice it.  We all have that innate desire to say, look what I did for you!  Praise me!  Tell me how good I am!  I know I do.  But the idea of satisfaction with sacrifice is to accept within that your praise comes from knowing you have done something to put your spouse's needs above your own, which is the purest form of love.  God sees it, and that's usually the only thing that matters.

I definitely believe this takes practice and we may never become perfect at it since we're all selfish human beings, but it certainly is a fabulous, healthy and enriching way to improve your marriage.  Something worth reflecting upon.

A Good Marriage is the Enemy of a Great Marriage

Below is an excerpt from a post from the blog, Simple Marriage. Click the "read more" button at the end of the excerpt to read the full post!

A Good Marriage is the Enemy of a Great Marriage: "


A good marriage is the enemy of a great marriage.

So how do you move from good to great?

Here’s a few ideas to get you started.

1. Read books. There are some tremendous resources that will help improve your relationship and life. While many of the books shouldn’t be taken hook, line, and sinker (except of course A Simple Marriage, wink), there are usually some great nuggets and ideas that can be applied to your situation.
2. Read blogs. You obviously already have a jump on many people because you’re reading Simple Marriage. But there are many other great sites that will help as well (here’s a list of 20, plus you can check out the ones on this top 10 list). The greatest thing about blogs is you can do more than just read, you can join in discussions with other readers in the comments or you can join a community and talk over life and marriage more.
3. Disconnect and connect. There are many people who believe in the power of the “date nights.” I like the idea as well, although I will add that you don’t have to find babysitters, get out of the house and go somewhere together. Steal time together after the kids go to bed. Play a game. Watch a movie. Head to the bedroom and lock the door. Whatever you do, do it together. No phone. No work. No kids. You can find time to connect at home if you look for it.
4. Find a marriage retreat or seminar. There are many churches and organizations that offer marriage retreats or seminars. I’ve been to several. Some are good, some are not. But like the marriage and relationship books out there, all of them have some nuggets to offer. If nothing else, you get time together while you’re there. In fact, if there’s enough interest, I say let’s all head to the Caribbean some time soon for a 3 – 4 day Simple Marriage Getaway. Any one else?
5. Share marriage with others. Live life with other people. Find other couples to hang out with. Go to dinner. Laugh. Tell stories. In other words, share your life with them. Everything is so much better when shared with others.

Photo courtesy Sir Mervs

Read more here

31 Days of Organizing for a Better 2010: Improve Your Marriage

Some great tips from the blog, "Organizing Your Way."

31 Days of Organizing for a Better 2010: Improve Your Marriage: "
Whether your marriage is struggling, surviving or thriving, there’s always room for improvement. It’s interesting that this is not actually a very popular resolution. Too many marriages stay stuck in a “good enough” rut without realizing that marriage can become more beautiful and more fulfilling the more you invest in it.

1. Set concrete goals.

Corey shares four questions in his post to help you set goals. I’d also encourage you to consider these areas:

:: the time you spend together

:: how you treat and talk to each other

:: areas of frequent conflict

:: how you can serve each other

:: the respect and love you show one another

If your spouse is on board, talk through and set goals together. If not, make some of your own. Your main goal, like mine, may be broad, but remember that it’s important to set measurable concrete goals as well that will help you move toward your overarching goal.

Read more

Happy new year!

Woo, it's 2010!  So, I guess we pronounce it, "Twenty ten," right?  Not "Two Thousand Ten?"  What will we refer to as the last nine years -- the "Two thousands?"  The "0's?"  Weird!

This weekend, I plan to reflect on what my new year's resolutions will be.  Yes, that is resolution with an "s" at the end.  I hope to make four goals: one personal, one professional, one spiritual and one for our marriage.  There are countless ways I can learn to be a better wife, and I have so many beautiful role models from whom to learn. 

Today, Catholics celebrate the Solemnity of Mary, Mother of God, and Msgr. Mike Sis at our home parish focused his homily today on how reflective and prayerful Mary was during her life here on Earth.  Contemplation in our marriage would be a good thing -- being purposeful in our actions and decisions and savoring all the events that we now call our life together.  Having less rigid expectations is something I discussed several posts ago; maybe I could make a resolution toward that idea.  Of course there are the obvious ones -- being more patient, less stubborn (yes, I know that one's a special challenge for me), more selfless, more charitable, etc. 

I will have to be quiet with God and see where it is He wants me to focus my efforts this year.  Mary, Mother of God, pray for us!