Date Night Recap 9/11/12: Sushi Night

I'm so excited that even though my husband's least favorite food is seafood, he'll still take me out for sushi! Last night was his night to plan Date Night, and he picked Mikado Ryotei, rated No. 3 on Trip Advisor's top sushi restaurants in Austin (after Uchi and Finn & Porter).

Tuesdays are great to go to Mikado Ryotei because they have discounted prices on Tuesday for their sushi, which was delish! We got two orders of sushi and four rolls (I think), edamame, a beer for Mark and sake for the both of us, and the total was only $37. Nice!! It's not too often we get away with a total price of Date Night under $40.

After sushi, we headed home to watch "Courageous." I really enjoyed the movie, which was about a group of small town law enforcement officers who realized how important the role of fatherhood plays, and they all make a resolution to strive to become holier fathers and husbands. A tear jerker at times with a meaningful message and reminder to everyone -- everyone because we all have a father.

I recommend both the restaurant and movie!

June 13, 2009. Cheers to us!

Litany of St. Joseph

On today, the Solemnity of Saint Joseph, husband of the Blessed Virgin Mary, let us ask for St. Joseph's intercession in asking for blessings upon our marriages, for husbands and wives everywhere, that we may all be given the grace to continually grow together in holiness and ever more reflect the love of Christ for His Church ...

Litany of St. Joseph
Taken from Catholic Household Blessings & Prayers

Lord, have mercy...Lord, have mercy
Christ, have mercy...Christ, have mercy
Lord, have mercy...Lord, have mercy

God our Father in heaven...have mercy on us
God the Son, Redeemer of the world...have mercy on us
God the Holy Spirit...have mercy on us
Holy Trinity, one God...have mercy on us

Holy Mary...pray for us
St. Joseph...pray for us
Noble son of the House of David...pray for us
Light of patriarchs...pray for us
Husband of the Mother of God...pray for us
Guardian of the Virgin...pray for us
Foster father of the Son of God...pray for us
Faithful guardian of Christ...pray for us
Head of the Holy Family...pray for us
Joseph, chaste and just...pray for us
Joseph, prudent and brave...pray for us
Joseph, obedient and loyal...pray for us
Pattern of patience...pray for us
Lover of poverty...pray for us
Model of workers...pray for us
Example to parents...pray for us
Guardian of virgins...pray for us
Pillar of family life...pray for us
Comfort of the troubled...pray for us
Hope of the sick...pray for us
Patron of the dying...pray for us
Terror of evil spirits...pray for us
Protector of the Church...pray for us

Lamb of God, you take away the sins of the world...have mercy on us
Lamb of God, you take away the sins of the world...have mercy on us
Lamb of God, you take away the sins of the world...have mercy on us

God made him master of his household.
And put him in charge of all that he owned.

Let us pray. Almighty God, in your infinite wisdom and love you chose Joseph to be the husband of Mary, the mother of your Son. As we enjoy his protection on earth may we have the help of his prayers in heaven. We ask this through Christ our Lord. Amen.

August 2008

Introduction to Natural Family Planning...Which method is right for you?

Want to start practicing Natural Family Planning but don't know which of the three methods would be best for you? Avoid hours of research and attend an evening of introductions as the three different methods of Natural Family Planning -- Creighton Model FertilityCare™ System, Sympto-Thermal Method and Billings Ovulation Method -- are introduced at St. John Neumann parish! I'm helping plan this event with our Culture of Life Committee. We'll have teachers from these three methods give a brief overview of how their method works, and they'll be available for questions and with an upcoming schedule of classes that will be offered throughout the coming year at SJN.

The event is Wednesday, Nov. 9 at 7 p.m. in the St. Timothy Room of SJN. All diocesan-approved methods will be available to discuss this great gift from the Church. Come see which method will work for you and your marriage! RSVP here.

Not yet married and are wondering why you should come to this event? Engaged couples can start taking classes at any point before marriage, but we usually recommend that you start taking classes and charting at least four to six months before you get married. NFP isn’t just Catholic birth control either – it offers a great overall picture of a woman’s health AND her fertility. It’s not just for married women and not just for women in their prime childbearing years. NFP charts in the hands of a physician who knows what he’s looking at are an incomparable tool to help diagnose many health issues. Many single women have taken an NFP class simply to gain more knowledge about their own body! There's no such thing as starting too early.

If you're already practicing NFP and are happy with which method you've chosen, please attend to support our event and Natural Family Planning awareness campaign and / or invite your friends to help us spread the word!

5455 Bee Cave Rd.
Austin, TX

Books I'd like to read

I'm not a big book reader these days, but whenever I run across a title or review that looks worth my while, I make a note of it. Books on marriage that I'd like to skim through sooner rather than later include:

1. "The 100 Day Promise: Radically Transforming your Marriage by Living with Complete Concern for your Spouse's Happiness" by Brian King
   See what happens when a regular husband and father of four promises to totally love and serve his wife for 100 days. What will happen to him, his wife and their relationship? Is it really worth the effort? More than just just hearing marriage platitudes, this book shows the reality of the stresses family life can bring and demonstrates the power of trusting someone enough to love them completely.
2. "Married Saints and Blesseds Through the Centuries" by Ferdinand Holbock
   Countless saints have been priests or religious, living out lives of penance and sacrifice for the good of the Church. But many Catholics don't realize that married couples are called to holiness as well. Fr. Holböck's tells the inspiring stories of over 200 married saints and blesseds from the Virgin Mary and St. Joseph to Margaret of Scotland, King Louis of France, Thomas More and modern examples like Gianna Molla and Louis and Zélie Martin, parents of St. Thérèse of Lisieux. The example of these holy men and women is essential to living a truly Catholic married life.
3. "Designing Your Dream Husband: How to Build Your Husband Up and Release Him to His Full Potential" by Amie Dockery
   God has given women a gift that is so woven into their nature that they approach everything—from homes to husbands—with the thought, “Wow, I could do great things with that!” To see potential is a great good, but the downside is the propensity to compare reality with the expectation. This is especially harmful in marriage if a woman tries to “show” her husband his potential in all the wrong ways, such as comparison or suggestions for change. So how does a wife encourage her husband to become what God has placed within him to be? It requires an understanding of her own need for repentance and restoration, as well as working with the right team and the right tools. The right team is God as architect, Jesus as supplier and the Holy Spirit as builder. The right tools include prayer, declaration and action that bring restoration and that also reveal her own need to change. Each chapter will explore a case study of a biblical character’s life in the areas of “Making the Mantle”--an action that gained him authority, “Missing the Mantle”--an area of vulnerability, and “Modeling the Mantle”—the most memorable moment this person wore the mantle. There will also be a pattern for prayer--questions from which a woman can build the blueprint for repentance, restoration and declaration. There will also be application in the form of “Putting Your Words to Work”—a written vision statement or declaration, and “Seal it with a Gift”—practical ways to gently yet generously introduce revelation of a husband’s skills and abilities through a tangible gift.
4. "The Respect Dare" by Nina Roesner
   Ephesians 5:33 in the Bible says that wives shall always respect their husbands, but most women struggle with this concept. Are you one of them? The truth is that women get married with dreams, hopes and aspirations that are often never fulfilled. More than half of marriages end in divorce in the United States, and many women that stay married are unhappy. "The Respect Dare" is a 40-day devotional guide that will take away the mystery that is keeping you from speaking the language of respect with your husband. It provides real life examples from women who have developed closer relationships with God and their husbands. In it, you will learn how to build confidence, methods to positively handle conflicts, keys to better communication, how to develop a more intimate connection with your spouse, ways to deepen your relationship with God and much more!
5. "The Love Dare Day by Day: A Year of Devotions for Couples" by Alex Kendrick
    "The Love Dare Day by Day" encourages and challenges couples toward new steps in faith and love with 365 marital encouragements, reminders and action points worth repeating year after year.Unconditional love is eagerly promised at weddings but rarely practiced in real life. As a result, romantic hopes are often replaced with disappointment in the home. But it doesn’t have to stay that way. Whether your marriage is hanging by a thread or healthy and strong, "The Love Dare Day by Day" is a journey you need to take. It’s time to learn the keys to finding true intimacy.
   
6. "The One Year Love Language Minute Devotional" by Gary Chapman
   Are you and your spouse speaking the same language? He sends you flowers when what you really want is time to talk. She gives you a hug when what you really need is a home-cooked meal. The problem isn’t love—it’s your love language. The Love Languages Devotional is your daily guide to how to express heartfelt love to your loved one.

Have you read any of these? Any sound interesting to you?

Aug. 17, 2008 at the Iguana Grill in Austin

Prayer Buddy reveal

...and an explanation of what Prayer Buddies are!

I've been following a particular segment of Catholic blogs over the last year and have discovered a fabulous group of women who never cease to inspire and amaze me with the strength of their faith. They are so good to one another, encouraging and praying for each other.

I don't know how it started, but these ladies do what they've dubbed the "Prayer Buddy" exchange a couple of times a year. Dates are selected, and one lady collects all the names and contact information from those wishing to participate. Participants get matched up with each other, and during the set dates they specially remember their prayer buddy in their prayers. I kept hearing about this over the last year and was so excited to be able to participate this time!

I prayed for Nicole, who blogs at MomAndThenSome.blogspot.com. She's currently expecting the birth of her second son this December, so my prayers especially went toward her pregnancy, per her request.

I was honored and humbled to find out that Emily at mostuncapto.blogspot.com was praying for me. I received the most beautiful card from her in the mail today, telling me how she'd been remembering me in prayer over the last couple of months during the exchange and I feel so loved! This faithful Catholic woman has been offering up me and my intentions in prayer, and I can definitely say I've felt strength from it, especially over the last week.

What a wonderful community of which to be a part. :) Thanks for letting me participate, ladies!

June 13, 2009

Prayers for couples going through divorce

I want to ask for prayers for some friends and family of friends I have going through divorce. Divorce is so painful, and sometimes it's hard to know what to pray for in regards to such turmoil.

I ask that you lift up these troubled couples in prayer and ask for God's grace, peace and will be done.

Prayer to Saint Joseph
Based on Matthew 1:18-25

We ask your prayers, St. Joseph, an upright man, a spouse who planned to divorce Mary in secret and who, by God's grace, was able to see his role in God's plan.

We ask you in our behalf to pray to God that our loved ones' marriages be healed. We are enveloped in pain and despair as you must have been when you learned of Mary's pregnancy. Be for and with us, Joseph, in our hour of doubt. Let us listen to and heed the voice of God as you did.

Be our intercessor to your Jesus, to give us the blessings to change, to listen, to forgive and most of all to hope that their marriages will heal and their families remain whole and holy.

We give you honor, quiet St. Joseph, for you are a spouse like us, who while knowing pain, did not divorce. By God's grace you nourished the Holy Family and the Savior of all families throughout the ages.
Amen.

*Taken from Retrouvaille, marriage help for couples with marital problems

Couples of Faith panel

Mark and I have been asked to sit on a panel of married couples for this month's Couples of Faith night at our parish. I think it is a beautiful opportunity to witness what's been revealed to us, so far, about marriage and Christ's plan for this vocation of ours, but I have to admit we're also a little hesitant. Most of the audience will be couples that have been married for quite some time, while Mark and I will be sharing our two years' worth  of reflections. We've been assured, however, that we're thought to have some valuable input on what it means to be intentional about including Christ in our marriage, so, with prayer, may every purpose God has for including us on this panel be fulfilled. Keep this event and our witness in your prayers, if you will, and, if you're in town, come to it! It's this Friday, Sept. 9 at 6:30 p.m. at St. Thomas More Catholic Church.

We have given a similar witness on our vocation before; hopefully having more time under our belt will allow us further insight.

St. Joseph, patron saint of married couples, pray for us!

June 13, 2009

Representing Jesus in your marriage

As Christians, we're taught that marriage is supposed to reflect the personal and intimate union between Christ and his Church. That's a huge call!

If your marriage is one that publicly displays discord on a regular basis, think about what that means in regards to reflecting the union between Christ and his Church. I'm not talking about a low profile disagreement here and there but more about those times it makes others uncomfortable to be around you because you're not being discreet with each other about your negative feelings regarding something in your relationship.

It seems that while we should be sincere and real about our marriages in public, we should also be making the extra effort to be on our best behavior, to put on a good face and be positive about our relationship especially when in public. You're representing Jesus here, folks.

Besides, being on our best behavior is bound to be good for our marriages, anyway. It can most certainly soften our hearts if we're harboring negative feelings or need time to cool down before reacting to a situation.

I almost always kick myself after a situation when I've poorly and too openly displayed my negative emotions to Mark in public. It's embarrassing for everyone, and it leaves a poor taste in everyone's mouth. You especially don't want your spouse's loved ones to think you don't honor your spouse in a holy way.

Next time you're around friends or in public with your honey and feel like snapping at him / her, making a negative comment or even using ugly body language, think precisely about that -- honoring your spouse in a holy way. It can only improve your marriage and draw you closer to the Lord. Not saying it's easy, but it's definitely something to be aware of and work on.

Aug. 29, 2008, the day we got engaged -- a celebration dinner at Pappadeaux (yum!)

Great podcasts about marriage

I'm all about marriage enrichment. Whether it's through experienced couples, blogs or talks / seminars, I enjoy learning how to be a better wife, how to have the best marriage possible.

About a year and a half ago, I discovered podcasts. I know, a little late on the bandwagon there. Still, I subscribe to a ridiculous amount of them through iTunes and listen to one after the other on my work commute. I've learned a lot about gardening, travel and even marriage (among other topics)! If you spend a good amount of time in your car or enjoy listening to audiobooks and haven't discovered the world of podcasts, do some perusing. There's a world of knowledge out there that's just waiting to be heard.

Podcasts on marriage I'd recommend
Subscribe in iTunes

• Building relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman: Building Relationships is a weekly 54-minute program offering life-changing insight and realistic advice rooted in the Word of God. Hosted by bestselling author Dr. Gary Chapman, Chris Fabry and Andrea Fabry, Building Relationships is designed to provide fun and informative, practical help for your marriage.
• Focus on the family: focus on marriage 
• Love language minute with Dr. Gary Chapman: A Love Language Minute is a daily one-minute program. In a world where life is so busy that most people forget to care for their closest relationships, Gary Chapman is there to help individuals refocus and recalibrate.
• Marriage today with Jimmy and Karen: Marriage Today with Jimmy and Karen is co-hosted by best-selling author, Jimmy Evans and his wife Karen. Jimmy is author of the best selling book Marriage on the Rock and Our Secret Paradise.  Marriage Today with Jimmy and Karen is a national television program that missions to enhance marriage and family relationships all across America.

Got any other recommendations?

 June 13, 2009

Video on Catholic marriage

Yay Catholic marriage! Ha, here is a little video I ran across on the good ole' You Tube.

Pope's Advent Message to Newlyweds: Follow Mary [2010-12-01]

"...and for you, dear newlyweds, may the Mother of Jesus be your guide in building your family on the solid rock of faith." Love it.

Pope's Advent Message to Newlyweds: Follow Mary [2010-12-01]

** Don't forget to vote for my blog to be one of the top 10 marriage blogs of 2010!

Christian Wives, Spouses Have Model in St. Bridget [2010-10-27]

I love this quote from the pope: "May the Spirit of the Lord give rise to the sanctity of Christian spouses, to show the world the beauty of marriage lived according to the values of the Gospel: love, tenderness, mutual help, fecundity in generating and educating children, openness and solidarity to the world, participation in the life of the Church."

Mark and I visited San Brigida in Italy this summer and saw the cave [St. Bridget] lived in for something like five years in the 10th century. Beautiful part of Italy!

Christian Wives, Spouses Have Model in St. Bridget [2010-10-27]: "Pope Reflects on Life of Co-Patroness of Europe"

My childhood future husband

Meet: Brian Stevens.  He had an athletic build, brown hair and looked mostly like Jared Leto:

Jared Leto when I was in high school

Brian was someone I dreamed up when I was a high school-aged girl, the man I was going to marry.  He only ever existed as a figment of my imagination. 

Being dreamy high school girls, my best friend, Angela, and I decided we would predict the men we would marry and make a notebook of our future weddings.  I came across this notebook this past weekend as I was going through some old boxes from my childhood.  Ha! 

The first page of the notebook has the details of what our future husbands and lives would look like,
 including the number of children we'd have (Mr. Stevens and I would have three), while the next several sheet protectors held torn out bridal magazine pages of wedding and bridesmaid dresses we liked and hot honeymoon destinations of the time.  Apparently Jamaica was where Mr. Stevens and I would go.

I wish I could give more details I'd dreamed up, but I've since repacked the notebook -- you know, so my future children can have some good laughs later; meanwhile the box it's packed in collects attic dust.  Instead, I'll happily turn toward dreaming of my real, wonderful husband.

He does have brown hair (thankfully shorter than Jared's) and an athletic build.  We honeymooned in beautiful Belize and pray to be blessed with any number of children someday.  My wedding dress was much more beautiful than the big bows and puffy sleeves that adorned the dresses in my notebook, as were my bridesmaid dresses.  I still donned the gloves I'd always dreamed of, though. ;-) 

God blessed me beyond my wildest imagination when he chose Mark for me long ago.  No dreams of any boy-crazed teenage girl could have ever thought the God-fearing, strong, handsome and funny man I now call my husband would have been set aside for the silly, hopeful and sometimes awkward girl I was.  Mark got a real kick last night out of seeing my old yearbook pictures -- I think fourth through seventh grade provided the most laughs.  Gotta love those middle school years.

Thank you, Jesus, for having a plan, for knowing in what magnificent ways you wanted to bless me, for loving me so much as to save Mark for little old me.  We look forward with great hope to continuing to watch your plan unfold!

March 2008

Marriage as a holy mirror

Why do I bother to blog about marriage?  Why not just blog about my own marriage, my relationship with my hubby and not bring others into it?

Well, I believe in marriage.  I believe strongly in what marriage was created to be and what I believe its purpose to be.  I don't believe marriage is just for a husband's and wife's benefit, for them to stay in their little comfortable bubble of bliss and enjoy by themselves.  I believe husbands and wives are called to be witnesses to the world, that marriage is a tool that should glorify God.

St. Paul tells us in Ephesians 5:25, "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the church and handed himself over for her."  The purpose of this directive was that the Christian marriage is to be a reflection of Christ's relationship to his bride, the Church. When others look at the Christian marriage, they are to see Christ's great love reflected in the love the husband has for his wife.

I also believe that everyone (married couples, in particular) is called to be supportive of this vocation, especially in a world that has such a secular and watered down view of this most precious of divine calls to service to the Church and humanity.  We are to encourage one another in our marriages, most importantly serve and minister to those who are struggling in their marriages.

One of the ways I feel called to do this is through my little, unimportant blog here on marriage.  My hope is that it might provide an inkling of occasional hope to happily married couples, struggling married couples, those who haven't yet discerned their vocation, single people and even those called to religious life.  Maybe even future Jen.  I pray that it moves people in a way that would set them on fire for their own holy callings. 

I fully and humbly admit that, being a newlywed, I have no idea what I'm talking about.  I've only been married a little over a year and have, God willing, a lot of life together with Mark ahead of me.  I know struggles are waiting to meet us there and that our love (the decision) will be tested and tried.  Will I feel like blogging about the joys and blessings of marriage then?  Probably not. 

With all this in mind, I am blessed to have hope.  Hope in the sacrament of marriage, hope in my marriage, hope in the marriages of those I love and hope for all married couples.

"Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom ... we boast in hope of the glory of God.  Not only that, but we even boast of our afflictions, knowing that affliction produces endurance, and endurance, proven character, and proven character, hope, and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out into our hearts through the holy Spirit that has been given to us."

I encourage you to pray regularly for married couples, especially those struggling in their marriages.  Hold fast to "a future full of hope" and realize that, if you've been called to marriage, you are called to be more that just a person having life experiences with someone else, doing your own thing in the world.  You are called to be a mirror of Christ and the love he has for his Church.  It's a big job, but you'll be equipped to meet your challenges.  That's the ultimate goal as a married person, really.

How will you answer the call today?

Destin, FL, June 2008

Why everyone, regardless of vocation, should care about the state of marriage in society

"While marriage is a special blessing for Christians because of the grace of Christ, marriage is also a natural blessing and gift for everyone in all times and cultures. It is a source of blessing to the couple, to their families and to society and includes the wondrous gift of co-creating human life. Indeed, as Pope John Paul II never tired of reminding us, the future of humanity depends on marriage and the family. It is just such a conviction that has led us, the Catholic bishops of the United States, to write this pastoral letter. "
~ "Marriage: Love and Life in the Divine Plan," U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops

What a powerful statement for all of society -- "...the future of humanity depends on marriage and the family."  What I love most about this statement is the implication that it isn't only married couples who should care about the state of marriage and how it affects society; everyone -- single, married and religious persons -- should pay attention to the state of marriage.  If we all don't, it's detrimental to the future of humanity and how this world will evolve.  It's that important!

Many of us exist because of marriage.  Think about that.  Our very existence has depended upon this most holy sacrament and union.

Without marriage, without healthy marriages, where else does our society have to go other than awry?  It is a scary and unstable feeling to watch how the sanctity of marriage has become more and more diminished as I've grown up.  Popular culture teaches us to choose convenience over commitment, immediate pleasure over prayerful discernment, lust over love.

One of my favorite Scripture verses is, "Do not conform yourselves to this age, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and pleasing and perfect" (Romans 12:2).  That statement has applied to anyone who has ever lived as we all have and will be challenged by spiritual warfare.  The state of marriage in our society deserves no less attention.

Why should unmarried persons care?  Because their mothers and fathers, friends and family, potential future spouses are all living or will be living it.  The preservation of their own families from which they come, God-willing, depends on it.  As one of the three vocations, the discernment of being called to married life is one of the most important decisions a person will ever make.  The commitment to it is even more important.

Married and unmarried persons can help to preserve the sanctity of marriage by supporting men and women in their vocation of marriage, especially in difficult times.  This means helping keep our friends accountable in being a good and holy wife or husband, praying for them, ministering to them during times of illness or when they need extra help, encouraging them to seek spiritual direction or counseling during times of struggle as well as urging them to remember to take time for one another, prioritize one another (even over children) and go on dates.  Help to make this easy for them by offering to babysit or occasionally setting up something for them.  Double date. 

Married and unmarried persons can also help to preserve the sanctity of marriage by having the courage to spread the Good News about marriage when given the opportunity, especially on issues of cohabitation, divorce, denial or abandonment of a married couple’s responsibility to be open to children and the individualistic mentality that sees marriage as a mostly private matter and not so related to the common good.

Heavenly Father, through the intercession of the Holy Family, help us treasure the gift of marriage that reflects the love of Christ for the Church, where the self-giving love of husband and wife unites them more perfectly and cooperates in your plan for new life created in your image. Help us support men and women in their vocation of marriage, especially in difficult times when they join their sufferings to the Cross. Help us uphold the institution of marriage in our society as the place where love is nurtured and family life begins. Help us acknowledge that our future depends on this love and on your providential care for us.  Amen.  

Cousin's wedding, April 2008

3 questions to help you be a better spouse

One aspect of having a successful marriage is to be the best spouse you can be.  While this is a lifetime mission, there are simple questions you can periodically ask yourself to take baby steps toward being the person to whom you, yourself, would want to be married.

1. Has my spouse mentioned several times something that bothers him?
   If it's something that improves your character and not something that makes you uncomfortable, take note of it and make an honest effort at trying to improve or change.  As for me, Mark mentioned something three times in one day last week before it hit me that I needed to seriously consider it.  Sometimes we need to be hit with a brick before we open our eyes.  Better late than never!
2. Do I have someone who can serve as a marriage mentor or accountability partner for my marriage?
   I've found it to be important to have both couples who have healthy, long-term, loving marriages from whom to learn and seek advice as well as a spiritual director or accountability partner to help me look at myself as a wife in a more objective manner.  I'm so far from being the perfect wife, and it's good for my humility to have someone who can lovingly, but honestly, point out the ways in which I can improve.  I meet with my spiritual director once a month.
3. Do I regularly pray for just my spouse and his needs and intentions?
   I've mentioned before the importance of couples who pray together, but what about the times when you pray on your own and mention the intentions or needs of just your spouse and not include yourself in there?  You have to remember that your spouse is also your brother / sister in Christ who has spiritual needs outside that of your relationship.  He is your best friend, and you want the best for him in all manners of his life -- not just his marriage.  Mark and I made a commitment about a month ago to pray for each other every day at 6:13 p.m. (our anniversary is June 13, aka 6/13), no matter what's going on.  We've both set the alarm on our cell phones to go off as a reminder.  This time of prayer is not about us as a couple but for each other and those things for which we need intercession outside of our marriage.  To help us grow into the saints we've been called to become.  It draws us together spiritually, no matter where we may physically be. 

 Annual Christmas Party at Night Train's, 2009

Marriage is 1 of 3 vocations ... not everyone's

Last night, Mark and I were driving home from date night (went to go see "The Hot Tub Time Machine") and listening to some radio talk show.  The issue being discussed on-air was the way to manhood as described by Ernest Hemingway.  He stated that a boy became a man by completing four tasks:

1. Plant a tree.
2. Father a son.
3. Fight a bull.
4. Write a book.

 No. 1, 3 and 4 are the ones with which I don't have a problem.  It's No. 2 where my issue lies -- "father a son."

The talk show had three males guests who were discussing what their ideas of the way to manhood were, and all three of them also said that fathering a son would be on the list.  Now, don't get me wrong, fatherhood, parenting a child is very admirable and all married men should deem this as necessary to consider and pray about.  The problem, however, lies in that very issue -- all married men.  Only one of the three vocations is marriage.  The other two are religious life and single life.  I most certainly do not think men called to these other two vocations are to father a child in order to become a man.  According to this radio talk show, then, men called to the religious and single life never fully become "men."  Rubbish!

What about the men called to marriage who aren't able to conceive children?  Are they all supposed to adopt?  What about the notion of "spiritual fatherhood," where a man shows great love and encouragement, almost as a mentor, to someone younger than he?

I just don't agree that a male who never fathers a child, for whatever reason, is any less of a man than someone who has conceived a child.  Especially in cases of men who conceive a child then disappear and the child grows up never knowing their "father" and when men who are never able to conceive a child take a child under their wings and love on them as a spiritual father.  These latter males are much more of a "man" than the former.

This brings me back to society's view of marriage being the default vocation for everyone.  If people truly discerned their vocations, I believe the divorce rate would be much lower and people would be happier and have more peace.  May we all encourage our loved ones to have a true discernment of vocation and consider all three vocations -- especially our younger loved ones!  It's so important to fully educate them on all options so that they may have a clear discernment.

April 2007, downtown Austin

In your own time, your own way

When I was young, I always thought my love story would be similar to that of my parents: go to college, meet your future spouse, fall in love, graduate and get married six months out of college.  Have babies two years later and be done having children by the time you're 30.

My love story looks something more like this: go to college, graduate.  Meet my future spouse three years later, fall in love and get married three years later -- six and a half years out of college.  Potentially begin having children by the time I'm 30 -- God-willing. 

I think many of my friends' love stories are pretty similar.  We all thought we'd have similar stories to those in the generation before us, marrying and having children much earlier in life. 

A few of my friends did, actually, get married right out of college, and they already have a couple children and hope to be finished having children by the time they're 30.  This scared me when all this was happening because here they were going through the experiences I thought I was supposed to be going through and I feared not being able to relate to my best friends anymore.  I was still single, going through difficult breakups when it seemed the rest of my friends were moving forward.  My friends were fabulous and were there for me as best they could be, but their lives were changing, as were they, and rightly so.

Thankfully, I found my community not too long after.  Through the Catholic 20-Somethings Ministry, most all of my friendships with young adults who were in the same stage of life as me were formed.  I had finally found others who were single, young adult career professionals, to whom I could relate!  It made all the difference.

Today, most of my friends are still the ones I met through that ministry, and we're all growing together, mostly at the same pace.  Many of us have begun to meet "the one," are getting married, some even beginning to have children.  It's been so fun to go through these things together, at the same time.

So, what I've learned from my love story is that everyone has their own love story.  It unfolds in the fullness of time, as I like to say and pray, in the perfect way.  Had I not gone through my young adult ministry experience, I wouldn't be the person I am today -- true story.  Had I married right out of college and kept being the person I was, I would be completely different.  I wouldn't have met the most amazing man and be in this wonderful, loving marriage that I am so blessed to be in today.

I pray our future children's love stories, if they're called to the vocation of marriage, are just as beautiful, just as perfect.

Praying for our single loved ones to be revealed God's perfect will for their own love stories in the fullness of time and, in the meantime, may they grow in the virtue of patience.  It was a constant prayer of mine for several years!

Christmas 2009, Our first married Christmas!

Things every new wife needs

1. Patience
2. Basic cooking skills
3. Earplugs
4. Lingerie
5. 3 good cookbooks
6. Ring holder
7. "The Power of a Praying Wife" by Stormie O'Martian
8. Bible -- specifically, a Bible for couples
9. 4 - 12 nice place settings
10. Her own bathroom sink

 March 2008, sunset at Iguana Grill in Austin

25 things you didn't know about us

1. We were certified to scuba dive together and try to dive whenever we can when traveling.  We've dove in Cozumel, Mexico; Destin, FL; Cancun, Mexico; Placencia, Belize; and Austin, TX.  Mark's also dove a few other places.
2. We would love to dive the Great Barrier Reef in Australia.
3. We meet Mark's side of the family every Sunday afternoon for Family Meal.
4. Our first kiss could have been on March 1, 2006, but that was Ash Wednesday and Mark didn't want to "endulge" in anything that day because of the self-denial significance of that day of observance.  So he waited until just after midnight to plant one.  Our anniversary became March 2.
5. The movie "French Kiss" was on in the background.
6. Mark told me he loved me for the first time on our one year anniversary.
7. Our first vacation together was to Destin, FL -- Jen's Heaven.
8. The first homecooked dinner we had as husband and wife upon returning from our honeymoon was Italian roasted pork tenderloin. The reason I know this is because every time I make a recipe from one of my cookbooks, I date it, list the occasion and my thoughts on it!  I love this.
9. We pray together every night before going to sleep.  Even when we're apart if one of us is traveling.
10. We take turns leading nightly prayer.
11. Ever since we began dating, we try to read two different books of the Bible together every week.  We're trying to get through Job right now.  Wow, that guy just goes on and on.
12. Neither one of us likes mushrooms.
13. We've both worked for the Catholic Church.  Mark worked for two years as youth minister at St. Thomas More Catholic Church, and I've now worked as the director of ministries at Saint Mary Cathedral and St. John Neumann Catholic Church.
14. We enjoy finding new places to spend date night.
15. We have a shoe rule at our house: Mark's allowed to leave one pair of shoes laying around in any room (if we don't have company coming over).  If there is more than one pair laying around, Jen's allowed to put them up.
16. We co-led a small faith-sharing group in the Catholic 20-Somethings Ministry while we were dating.
17. We really enjoy working on the house and making it more and more our own.  We have a long Google docs project list where we keep crossing off projects and adding on more.
18. I have played with the idea of having four kids someday. Mark says he wants 2.5 kids because that's the average number of kids per American family.  I'm interested to know how he plans on having half a child.
19. 
    
    
    
    We smoke cigars from time to time, usually on special occasions.  Mine are always the little flavored ones.
20. I love going to weddings.
21. Mark is not a fan.
22. We both drive SUVs.  I have a 4runner; Mark has an Explorer.
23. Our legs are the same length.
24. We both blog.  Mark's can be found at http://austindates.blogspot.com.
25. Our last name is pronounced "crow" (as in the bird) "lee" -- "crow-lee."  You've probably heard other Crowleys pronounced "krow" (rhymes with "plow") "lee."  Mark says his ancestors changed the pronunciation because the author of the satanic bible is Aleister Crowley ("krow-lee"), and they didn't want to be associated with him.